I just realized I haven't posted in ... well... forever! I think it means I am feeling a lot better so I am having fun living my life. Since my last post, my family has been dealing with so many different events - some good, some bad - but all keeping me on my toes. With experience comes wisdom and I am learning new things every day.
The new job is going well. I am having fun and the kiddos are having even more fun! They really like Music and they are helping me to move more and helping me feel better. Even on my flare days, they manage to put a smile on my face and raise my spirits. I have been using my cane on my bad days and they are very caring and very curious. I just tell them that I am hurting a bit that day and need a little help walking - for the most part that satisfies their curiosity and life continues. I bit the bullet and talked to my Rhumey about getting handicapped plates and he filled out the paperwork. I know I won't need it all the time but on the flare days, my feet cannot handle more than about 10 minutes before I have to stop - otherwise I hurt for the next two or so days. My fellow faculty and staff are aware of my limitations and still love what I do with my students and have been so helpful. Originally, I didn't really want to tell people about the situation but then I realized, if I am honest and tell them, they won't hold it against me or chalk it up to being lazy or negative things like that. I am very lucky to have work mates who are caring and respect me for my other talents.
I really struggled with the handicapped plates. I felt I really wasn't ready for them but honestly, I so needed them when I am hurting. Last year I had a day where I couldn't walk and had to call in to work as I couldn't get out of bed and that really scared me. This disease can sneak up on you when you least expect it. I am starting to understand my flares a bit more and can figure out why or what is causing them. Lack of sleep is a huge culprit. I have found the days in which I don't get enough sleep, my hands and toes go numb by the morning and sometimes they don't ease up at all during the day. It doesn't make much sense to me but it is proving to be a constant. The problem is that pain can keep me from sleeping which results in a viscous circle. I have also found I am very sensitive to nightshade vegetables - potatoes and tomatoes (my two favorite veggies) are the main culprits. I also feel processed sugar may be a trigger as well - Christmas celebrations resulted in a flare and that was the main difference in my diet so I will try some experiments this summer.
The real eye opener for me is that since the diagnosis, I have given myself permission to slow down when things are hurting. Before, when I didn't know what was wrong, I pushed on and kept myself moving which often resulted in more pain, confusion, frustration, and downright grumpiness. Now, when I feel I am pushing things too much, I allow myself to stop so that I am not paying for it for days. If anyone has a problem with it, I politely tell them if I don't stop now, I will be the one paying for it tomorrow. I have to pick and choose what is most important. During the school year, my husband and job are the top priorities. Other things, like shows, choirs, and extra activities are on hold until the summer when I can make it a priority yet still have down time if I take on too much. I miss these things but I have to get my priorities in line and think of things that way. I may hurt some peoples feelings but for once in my life, I have to do what is right for me. It has been a very long time for me to figure this out but I am not being selfish, I am helping my relationships by having quality time with my friends, not quantity time that hurts everyone (myself by having pain, others by not enjoying the time we spend together because I am grumpy and hurt). True friends will understand and others will just have to realize that is what is best for everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment